The Conspiracy, Continued

Back to my cousin’s death.  I have been in contact with a rather large number of people via the lovely internet (whatever did I do without you oh beautiful internet?) and it seems to be the general concensus that we will never really know what happened with V.  His widow now says that only a few people really know and they aren’t likely to be talking any time soon.

I’m happy to say that I got some responses from some sources that indicate some of the secrecy and weirdness are kind of normal for military deaths.  Also, according to the medical examiner in the county in which he died, his death was officially a suicide.  But then that doesn’t explain the post-humous promotion, medal, and the fact that his life insurance is paying out at all (because they generally don’t in suicide cases).  

My aunt is on the fence about exhuming the body and conducting an independent autopsy, but I think this is the way the mystery will go and the only way she’s likely to get any real answers.  I’m trying to get a copy of the death certificate for her, even though the military told her there wasn’t and wouldn’t be a death certificate… I thought there had to be a death certificate any time someone died.  Color me goofy I guess.

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All I want for Christmas…

So we have what, 11 days left until Christmas?  I have only two more gifts that I want to buy, and both can be picked up at any Target, Wal-Mart, Kmart, ToysRUs, or whatever.  Shouldn’t be an issue at all, and I’m so grateful for that fact.  I’m keeping it low key this year and not doing much at all, but to be honest I prefer it this way.  This year’s shopping has been considerably less stressful than years past, and I am quite certain that my kids will not be deprived or unappreciative.  The olders are getting gift cards, and the youngers have a few toys, and I think they will be happy with that.  I don’t think we need to have an entire room full of gifts to make it a special holiday, although I’m sure the toy manufacturers and stores would love me to believe otherwise.  

I’ve been feeling really bad the past … while … (not sure exactly how long, forever it feels like) and I sometimes recently find myself wondering if I’m on a downward spiral that I won’t be able to recover from.  It seems recently that I’ve been having more bad days than good, and I am quite content to stay in bed all day most days when the hubster and the kidlets will allow it.  Sometimes (like today) I just get so damned tired of feeling bad that I can see how death might be a relief.  And then I feel guilty and selfish and horrible because I know that my kids (if no one else lol) benefit from having me here as long as I can comfortably be here, so long as I’m not just laying around writhing in pain or something.  Still, I can honestly say that I can now see the appeal sometimes.

I’m trying not to be a downer, but last night and tonight hubster took the kidlets to Christmas parties that I just wasn’t up for attending, and there’s another tomorrow night that will have me home alone again.  Pity party?  Perhaps, but I don’t feel like going and honestly I’ve been happy for the time alone to rest.  Kids bouncing all over you really take a toll when one is feeling like crud to begin with.  And at the same time, trying to convince said kidlets that one doesn’t really feel *that* bad because one doesn’t want the kidlets feeling bad… it’s not easy.

So, tomorrow I hope to be feeling well enough to make it out to Target and get those last two gifts, and maybe stop by the scrapbooking store and  get something for myself.  That’s one thing I can do even when I’m feeling bad, and the kids will always have those creations to look at, not to mention that I enjoy making the pages and it gives me a way to organinze these million pics I have.  

At any rate, that’s the update from me, I’m down but not out and feeling much like crud.  Hopefully tomorrow will have me feeling at least well enough for a trip to Target, and it will be nice to be out of the house for a while.

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Can it be spring now?

I hate winter.  Despise it.  Hate going out into the cold, hate snow, hate cold wind and bad roads and naked trees and short days and long nights and the general greyness that is winter.  Bring me some spring.  So here it is early December, we haven’t even had a “real” snowfall yet (we did get an inch or so last week), and I am done.  Done, done, done.  On the bright side, it has been pretty warm here for December the past day or two, and it’s raining like crazy now (as opposed to the snow that the midwest got dumped with), so I guess there are some positives to speak of.  Still, it’s cold and grey and yucky and I hate it.

Yesterday I felt like I’d been run over by a truck, and as such spent the entire day in bed.  I slept, a lot, and when I tired of sleeping I slept some more.  I think I finally woke up around 4 PM.  Nothing specific, just a general yuckiness.  It seems to be mostly gone today, so I’m hopeful it was just a passing funk.  I get so tired of feeling bad.

My computer is fixed, it needed a new cord.  Hubby did that yesterday while I was busy hibernating.  I’m happy, because while the other computer was functional it wasn’t nearly as comfy as my little corner here and I missed it.

I think we’re going to get our Christmas tree up sometime in the very near future… We aren’t doing much this year, but I did get a few gifts for each child and Santa needs a place to put them!  Plus I just always enjoy the lights of a Christmas tree, it’s kind of a magical glow.

I have some new pictures of my youngest 2 that I’ll post when I get motivated to scan them in, they turned out very cute (was there any doubt!)  

That pretty much concludes the oh-so-exciting news from here for today.  Not much to report, thankfully, besides me still feeling like crap which isn’t news really.

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My computer is sick

So I’m feeling better, but I think my computer caught something from me.  It is very sick indeed.  Actually, everything is working okay except for my internet connection, and I can’t get online at all with my computer.  And since that is mostly what I use the computer for, well, it has rendered my computer pretty useless for the moment.  I have no idea what is wrong with it, maybe it’s something as simple as a fried cord.  For the moment I’m on my teenager’s school computer, which works fine for internet stuff but is slow as hell and a dinosaur as far as functionality is concerned.  Still, it’s working better than mine at the moment!

My mom is supposed to come down today and we’re supposed to take the kids all to a local pizza place kind of like Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate (late) the baby’s birthday.  We skipped his party due to the funeral proceedings being planned during his actual birthday, but of course at two he is too young to notice anyway.  Still, it would be nice to have a little something for him.

He cracks me up on a daily basis at least.  His newest thing is singing “Jingle Bells,” which he does a really good job with!  When he’s finished, he’ll tell me, “Mommy song it!” 

Nothing exciting here for today, and I like it that way for now.

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Panther is lonely

This is Panther:

 

The day we brought you home

He’s been a great kitty and a perfect addition to our family.  He caught five mice within his first month here, the first one after only being here for a day or two!  We were seriously impressed.  He is such a gentle, loving kitty and he will allow the little guy to drag him around by the tail, the ears, whatever, and not complain or bite or hiss or scratch at all.  Sometimes I think he is too relaxed and should stand up for himself a little bit, but he never does.  He loves to lay on laps, loves attention, loves the kids (even when they’re not so nice to him), and hates being left alone.  Really, we found a gem in him and I consider us very lucky.

However, recently (like the past week or so?) he has been acting rather strangely and I wonder if perhaps a friend might be a good idea for him.  He meows CONSTANTLY unless he is in a lap being showered with affection, he is under foot when heading to the bathroom, at night he sits outside the bedroom door and meows for hours, and well, he just seems lonely.  I wonder how acquiring another cat would change the dynamic, and if another cat would be so calm as to not scratch or bite the baby if he gets too rough.   He came from a house with five cats so he certainly was socialized to live with other kitties, and he’s only been here a month and a half or so.   He really is a great kitty and I’m all about maximizing his kitty happiness, but not sure how that works at the moment… well, it’s something I’m thinking about anyway and if the right kitty shows up I may just adopt it.

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Better…

Nothing much exciting, other than to say that I’m feeling much better today.  I didn’t eat all day yesterday, and I still have zero appetite but feel like I may be able to get something down later.  My house really needs a good cleaning, as hubby is not so great at keeping up with things while I’m down.  Maybe I’ll get to it today; if not, it will still be dirty tomorrow.  It’ll wait.

However, today is a cold, rainy, dreary day and as good a day as any for a clean-a-thon.  Nothing exciting at all.

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Sick again, what’s new?

I know you get tired of reading it, I get tired of typing it!  I’ve been sick again!  Oh the shock!  I know!  

I was in the hospital from Sunday until late yesterday (Tuesday?  I’ve lost track of my days!)  I woke up Sunday morning with horrible nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea (ugh) and it just wouldn’t stop.  I wound up getting so dehydrated I nearly passed out, was wishing for death I felt so horrible, and had my daughter call the squad for me.  They admitted me for massive dehydration, and it took a couple of days before I could keep anything down.  I hope to never, ever repeat that experience.

This was my first hospitalization in over a year, and I didn’t miss it one bit.  I was going stir crazy by yesterday afternoon waiting for my doc to show up and discharge me.  I have no doubt that there will be hospitalizations in my future, but I really, really hate the whole experience.  On the bright side, since I’m on the immunosuppressants I have to have a private room so there’s none of that roommate business.  Of course, were I not on the immunosuppressants this whole inpatient stay likely could have been avoided.  The rest of my family caught it too, but it consisted of a few bouts of diarrhea and a day of taking it easy for everyone else.  NOT FAIR!  Although I wish to have it as easy as they had it, not the other way around!  I wouldn’t wish that experience on my worst enemy (not that I have one but if I did…) let alone my family.

So, that’s where I’ve been and why I’ve been MIA.  Of course, it is my theory that this is all part of the Army conspiracy to shut me up because I’ve been blabbering about my cousin’s death all over the internet.  I haven’t spoken with my aunt, although my mom told me that some Army reps spent 8+ hours with my aunt on Monday (I think?) and so I need to get an update on that.  Haven’t had time yet, busy being sick and all that.

I hope to not leave the house the rest of this week, as doing so is a major PITA right now.  They’re fixing a few holes in the road, and this means that there are two large bulldozer/driller machines blocking the road (because it’s a one lane dead end country road) and it takes half an hour of sitting there for them to pack up the equipment and move out of the way for a car to get through.  I hope there’s no emergency before they finish, and I hope they finish soon.  It’s a pain.  I’m taking 5yo to the later Tae Kwan Do this week because they said they’ll only be working until dark, so if I take him to the 6:00 one I should be able to avoid the waiting… I hope.  That is the plan anyway, we’ll see how it goes tonight.  Or I could have hubby take him, and then I can avoid it altogether!  I am sick, after all, still recovering and what not…

That’s about all the update I can stand for now, I’m feeling much better today but still somewhat weak and tired.  I guess that’s to be expected, and I hope to be back to “normal” soon.

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